Emotional vs. Legal Divorce

by Susie Duffy on November 26th, 2007

Don’t confuse your lawyer with a good coach or therapist and waste your time and money using your lawyer for emotional issues.  Going through divorce is one of the most complicated times in your life.  Your lawyer will function as your guide on how to navigate the legal rollercoaster that you are about to board.  You may come to think of your lawyer as your confessor and confidant, but don’t confuse your lawyer with a coach or therapist. 

 A coach or therapist is a much more cost effective way to deal with your anger, fears, hurt and frustrations.  Divorce is 80% emotional and 20% legal and neglecting the 80% emotional piece may set you up for complications and challenges you did not anticipate.  Emotional issues often get in the way of being able to make good decisions, reaching settlement and moving on with your life.  Most lawyers are not trained in dealing with the emotional aspects of divorce.  Let your attorney handle the legal aspects and work with a coach or therapist to get through your difficult emotional divorce.

Creating a Healthy Blended Family

by admin on October 30th, 2007

As your family blends, it is important to create an atmosphere that is cooperative, flexible and supportive.  Everyone’s needs are important and should be recognized and met to the degree that is possible.  When all members of a blended family are involved in establishing traditions, rules and routines, an atmosphere of mutual respect is formed and the family begins to build a sense of unity.  It is important to understand that this is a process, it is dynamic and ever changing.  Some important factors to consider:

• Allow for an adjustment period.  Don’t be too anxious to start the “bonding” process.  Too much affection too soon will scare your stepchildren away.  Be patient!
• Parent and stepparent need to pay attention to all the children in the family.  Get involved in their activities and learn to really listen to what they have to say.
• Every family experiences differences in style and opinion.  Work toward accepting each other as they are and with their differences.
• Look for ways your stepchildren are doing things correctly vs. looking for what’s wrong.  Use verbal messages like “Alex, I appreciate you putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.”
• Use humor during difficult times.  Lighten up a situation with a sense of humor and learn to laugh at yourself.
• Begin to create a new set of family traditions which begins to build a sense of continuity and happy memories.  Don’t try to impose new traditions in places where current traditions are already in place and important  to others.  Holidays can be an emotionally charged times for families.  Celebrate holidays on the days before or after if children already have visitation with the other parent or create new days such as the day the families united as one.

Creating new traditions in your blended family will help you let go of the past and move into the future.

What is Divorce Coaching?

by admin on May 29th, 2007

Divorce Coaching is specific and time limited to what you are experiencing with your divorce.

Divorce is a confusing, stressful and turbulent time that creates uncertainty and fear. Divorce Coaching is an individualized, collaborative process that focuses on:

• Managing emotions
• Developing goals
• Creating an action plan on how to achieve those goals
• Working towards redefining your life
• Divorce coaching will assist and support you through this major life crisis.

Coaching helps with the transition process by providing a soft landing spot to deal with your frustrations, anger, loneliness and sadness.

We will work together to highlight your strengths and determine where your challenges may lie. Divorce coaching also helps you to make the behavioral changes you will need to understand the emotional impact of what has hindered your progress to date.